That’s right everyone, it’s that time of year again. Valentines Day…
To me, it’s not a big deal, but to some people IT’S THE WORST TIME OF THE YEAR. You’re single. You’re already fed up of seeing couples writing on their Facebook walls their love for each other and in directing each other on Twitter. You just want to punch them. Delete their accounts. Tell them to get a life…
Okay, so maybe couples get me angry too.
But when Valentines Day comes around, couples get all lovey-dovey, sickly-sweet and you just want to scream.
It’s a good day if you’re happy in love. If you are, think of the singles amongst you.
For my fellow single bitches, here’s 22 ways to survive Valentines Day…
1) Treat it like any other day
‘What? It’s Valentines Day? I don’t think so. I think it’s just February 14th. That’s all it is. Happy happy normal day.’
Treating Valentines like any other day is something single folk have to do, whether they like it or not. Don’t worry, single baes, you’ll soon be with the elite and this day will mean something!
2) Chill with friends
But only if they’re single. You can’t be hanging around with your friend who’s getting a text off their other half and is ‘well excited for a romantic dinner at Frankie & Benny’s tonight!’
3) Go out and have fun
Like, if you’re feeling really strong anger towards Valentines Day, go out and do something. Try avoid couples, though. It may be hard. Today they’re in full force.
4) Give couples dirty looks
You’re torn between thinking couples are sweet one day, then hating them all the next. Today, you’re single. Every couple is like, really happy. You hate those couples with a passion. Glare at them. Give them your most evil look. How dare they be in love?
5) Pretend you don’t care
When really you’re crying inside.
6) Stay in with your cats Alfie, Lenard, Burtie and Puss
And you wonder why you’re single.
Go on, why not? You’re alone. You don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself! Which you will…
8) Make your ex jealous
Your ex has moved on. You’re desperately trying to convince yourself that you have, too. Whatever. It’s Valentines. Make them jealous! Snap a photo of a romantic meal you’ve made yourself. Tweet how happy you are on this special day.
9) Cry because you’re alone
Just let it all out. #NoShame
10) Cry and eat ice cream
The only thing you need today is Ben & Jerrys. You’ve had this planned for six months.
11) Watch soppy love films and cry
‘If its not like the movies, that’s how it should be…’ STFU KATY PERRY.
Just…let it all out.
13) Read Fifty Shades of Grey and watch it in the cinema
Well if you’re not getting it, Anastasia is.
14) Get really really drunk
If ever there was an excuse, Valentines is the one.
You’re feeling it. They’re feeling it. It’s Valentines. You can’t be alone. You pull! You feel great! You wake up in the morning. You’re ready for love. They’re not. You’re sad.
16) Ring your ex at three in the morning
3 AM is the perfect time to let your ex know you’re missing them, you want them back, or that you’re doing really well without them. Either way, you’ll regret it the next morning and listen to Taylor Swift and Sam Smith as you cry.
You haven’t been online in a month. You’ve never met any of your 100 matches. You know it’s desperate and a waste of time. But your ex wants nothing to do with you. You want a fulfilling date. You’ve become desperate. Tinder is still installed. It’s time.
18) Have sex
There’s never a better excuse to have sex. Whether its with your equally desperate Tinder hookup or someone you pulled on your night out. Just have sex.
Getting a bit NSFW, isn’t it? Can’t get sex? Do the next best thing. After all, no one can make you more happy than yourself…
20) Send yourself a Valentines Card
Practice your best fake but believable handwriting and send yourself a Valentines card. No one needs to know that you have 0 admirers.
21) Have your birthday on Valentines
Basically, if you’re lucky and blessed like me, you’ll be born on Valentines. You’re too busy celebrating your birthday that you don’t care that you’re single. You can go out and get drunk and pull and not get accused of being sad on Valentines day. You’re doing all that because you’re young, free, single and a year older! Woo!
22) It’s all about the money
Valentines Day is just a way to exploit us of our hard earned money. When you’re single, there’s no need to waste it on cards and chocolates. Just spend it on yourself. Bliss.