I’m live blogging Big Brother: Timebomb launch night right here! Follow me! 

IT’S BEGUN!!!! 

Emma says tonight we light the fuse. Does that mean the house is going to explode? 

#BBTIMEBOMB – something that’s never been done in 15 years. What’s it going to be?! 

The house has been updated! Swanky, colourful and sexy. See that pool?! That’s amazing! Lots of bitching in the sky room apparently. Can’t wait! No door in the shower, that’s great. Diary room chair is amazing! 

 
Here’s first housemate Chloe. The chav. Goes to the supermarket in her pyjamas. Doesn’t wear shoes in ASDA. No no no. 
This is the guy that wears ugly t-shirts. Has a lot of money apparently. Could he win more? It’s Kieran. #BBKIERAN

  
Hopkins is watching! 

Simon, ‘Mr Showbiz’, already seems annoying. I can almost predict he’ll try and make this show about him. 

Why is she backstage?! What’s happening? 

That was odd. But he’s getting lots of boos. 

If he’s going to be that loud this whole time I can’t do it. 

Here’s Jade. She does ‘high fashion’ lingeruie. She called herself beautiful. She doesn’t believe in being with one person in a relationship. She believes they should all be open so there is no such thing as cheating. Right then. She’s getting boos now. 

Someone just screamed ‘cover yourself’. 

Joel is embarrassingly from Wales and wants to be Prime Minister. Ambitious. Lives with his white pussy. 

Missed out on some house mates because I was talking to my mum who was on Paul O’Grady tonight. Anyway, here’s the twins! Amy & Sally. Seem a bit boring! 

Was Jack ‘Pie Face’ as annoying as he looks? 

Here’s the pastors daughter. She sets out to shock. Can be really sweet or psycho bitch. Brilliant. It’s Adjoa. 

 
Cute!

  

Exciting!  

The rich guy who has never worked, has his own pool, puts on a fake accent, talks annoyingly, his name is Nick and he bitches behind people’s back. 

Danny looks like he may have the personality of a mop. 

Here’s Sarah. She loves arguing and got kicked out of four schools, apparently. What’s with this getting expelled from school theme? Are we all still twelve? 

Here’s an ugly model! He doesn’t like pizza. His name is Aaron and he looks like a zebra. 

Eileen is from Chelsea, appeared on X Factor, and has been in her own films playing vampires. She also gives her friends Botox. 

Her worst housemate would be a vampire slayer. Shit. She’s crazy. 

All fifteen in, and they look like an interesting bunch. 

Twist time. Some housemates will be rewarded, but one housemate will get bad luck. 

Can we stop Simon screeching ‘SHOWBIZ’? It’s not going to catch on I’m afraid. 

Jack pulled the pin from his Timebomb and he’s got immunity from eviction! 

Nick pulled his pin and he’s got ‘nominations’ which means he must nominate face to face throughout his time in the house. 

Jade got luxury, which means she can claim exclusive luxury shopping items for herself. 

Whoever gets the eviction will go immediately! 

SIMON IS GOING! NO MORE ‘SHOWBIZ’! Thank fuck. 

 
‘Five minutes of fame’ repeated a dumbfounded Simon. Five minutes was too much.  

We can now vote on the app who we want to win, then that housemate will find out the public love them. With popularity comes consequences. Brilliant. Brilliant twist. Best twist in a long time! Look forward to this series! 

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